Saturday, May 25, 2013
My world: LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE!
My world: LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE!: LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE! The life moves, as it is the law of nature, the life stumbles, as it is the nature of us , the humans. The...
Sunday, January 08, 2012
LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE!
LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE!
The life moves, as it is the law of nature, the life stumbles, as it is the nature of us , the humans. The life slows down, as it is the process of movement. The life flies, as it is the moment of awakening. The day started as a normal day, but ended in the most extra ordinary way. That day that changed the course of two lives. One was almost on the verge of an end, and the other on the point of a break down.
Karan
4TH-AUGUST
It was a casual chat for every other person on Internet, but for me, it was the last hope to cling to life! I was frantically looking at the messages, e-mail id, sex, age, locations etc, sending messages, expecting the reply, but everything was turning blank in my eyes. No one, just no one was there to save me. No one with whom I could go on after a Hi message! Frustration was mounting inside me but the determination was growing stronger. That is it! A woman of forty years? What is she doing on the open chat? Oh! Looking for some thrills? May be! But I got started. Conversation initiated. Please God! I need some brains, not the cheap stuff only. I wanted to talk sex, I wanted a diversion, and I wanted to let go things, which were killing me. She was there for twenty minutes, and I could talk. She was responding cautiously, smartly, and VOILA! She had brains. She had to go, with a promise that she will be back tomorrow. It was an introductory chat. I made some advances, which she rebuffed genteelly, leaving me in wonder, what does she need? This is it. I can wait till tomorrow. She has, a lot to offer, I suppose. The typical Indian woman, may be a disturbed marriage, or looking for sex partner? She was cautious. I have to be careful. Careful that I would not enter the topics, which she does not like, you know, just to show off. But I can wait, till tomorrow .
5TH-AUGUST.
Next day, she was there, waiting for me. Waiting, because, the moment I entered, she popped with a big Hi! I was excited. So, she is the one, who is going to divert me. I responded with an equally big Hi! And man, we talked some wonderful things. Whatever she said, was real talking, to the person with same interests. She sounded a gentle human being. So, let me not offend her, I can talk to her .We were on chat for almost three hours! She was there, with her best of humor, inquiring about my family, my kids. Telling me about her family; she was a mother of two wonderful kids, happily married. I asked for her phone number, she avoided. Smart. She was intelligent but not of my caliber, but she was talking just fine. She had to go, so it was again bye, which I did not like a bit, but happily said bye to her. “You will come tomorrow? I tried to be casual. “Yeah, definitely” she said and was gone.
6TH-AUGUST.
I was again there, waiting. She did not come that day. It was a Saturday. There was a message off line-‘Going to some place, won’t be able to make it today. Bye’. I was irritated, violent, frustrated. No, I can’t be dependent on somebody for his or her mercies. I have to go. I must go. I want to go. I sent her a mail, with my phone number, and left an off line message, ‘Please, check your mail’.
7th-AUGUST
It was a Sunday. Again, I went to the café, and she was not there. What is this? What’s going on? Now my mind was clear, my decision was final. Nobody can hold me, no one can help. Today is the time. I Wrote an off line message- ‘Today I am going to commit suicide, to end my life. It is easier to tell a stranger, than to the loved ones. Thank you, for everything. Good bye!’ It was over for me. I started my car, and went home. I must prepare, myself, to end this ordeal. Seema can take care of herself and both the kids. Mom can tolerate the blow; she is a strong woman. She has other children, who will make her happy. My journey to life must stop today. I must go. I reached home, looked at everything, like an outsider. I was detaching myself, piece by piece, from the family, from the life. Good-bye life, you really were cruel to me.
NISHA
4TH-AUGUST
Why the hell, nobody comes on chat, which is a little bit sensible, or mature? Nobody wants to talk anything, but sex! But I won’t give up. I have to find a person, with whom I could talk. My Grey cells were dying in the need of some activation. I wanted to talk, something which is not about jewelry, clothes, kitty parties. No women talk, infect. I have done enough of this. I wanted to talk, about music, books, poetry, literature, or some real talk. I may not be, very intelligent, but these things do stimulate me. So, I was waiting patiently, for someone, who could talk this, without any pretence. Oh! Somebody is there, at least, who was not in his twenties. He was thirty-five. Younger, but, seemed mature enough. Let me give him a try. Someone is better than no one. He was, well…. Intelligent! I must confess, better than what I was expecting. It was welcome. He sounded different. It was a pleasure talking to him. He was an artist, but why should I bother about his profession? He was chatting nonstop, about everything possible in my mind, and with an authority on every subject. What a man! With real brains!! I was fascinated.. He tried to talk something about sex too, in a most decent manner, but that was not my cup of tea. So, I did not show any interest. All the good things come to an end, so I said my bye and he asked –can I come tomorrow? Honestly, I was not expecting this. But I felt elated. He definitely liked something, I guess. I made a promise that I will come. The whole day I was happy, showering extra love and affection, to my kids and hubby. I was live again. My intuition was right. He was an intellectual man, but a little bit eccentric. I sensed something unusual, a little bit of detachment to life. A bit of rudeness too, which he tried to hide, smartly? But it was nice, overall.
5TH-AUGUST
. I got up early with lots of enthusiasm, with a new energy, completed my daily course. I wanted to talk to him, for hours, without any disturbance. The kids went to the school, hubby to the office. I knew he won’t be there that early, but I was on line as soon as I was free. He came, after half an hour and we got started. It was better than the first day. We talked about the family matters, thankfully he was happily married. I was fed up of the people, who were always there, with their sob stories, about their wives. Two kids. It was a love marriage. Nice wife, good job. But he said something about, being jobless, at that time. I did not probe. He confided that, he left his great job, due to some harassment of the seniors. He was looking for a job, last three months. It was fine. That’s the reason, he was in a café, when men are normally, in their office, working. We talked about two hours. He was free, but I was not. The kids were about to come from the school. So, forcefully, I said bye, with a promise, that, we will come tomorrow, at the same time.
6TH-AUGUST
It was a Saturday. I had to go to some stupid family function. It was so boring. I just left an off line message for Karan I was missing him. Sounds strange, but I really was. I remembered him so many times. Tomorrow morning, if all goes well, I will find some time, to get in touch with him, on line. I came back around six p.m. I saw his off line message. He has sent a mail! Great! So he too missed me. I checked the mail. It was a simple Hi message, with his address and phone number. I saved that number in my mobile. In case.
7TH-AUGUST
So, it was the Sunday, a very busy day. I could not get any time to sit on that chat, which I was dying for. Around twelve o’clock, I got some free time, and I was there, checking my on line messages. And, suddenly, I was cold. A wave of chill ran through my spine. I was dumb with fear. It was a suicide note of that man. Karan is going to commit suicide? My intuition said he was not lying. His eccentrics, his detachment to life, his rudeness, flashed through my mind. I knew in the heart of my hearts that this man is not lying. He is going to commit suicide. Today! May be till now? My god! I was shivering. I started vomiting. My whole body was shaking. It was the friendship day. A three-day-old friend was not going to live another day? That intelligent, smart, full of life, man was contemplating death for him? But why? I knew, he was jobless, but this could not be the reason. I was behaving like a mad. I wanted to reach him. Wanted to talk to him. But how? Oh! I had his number. I picked up my phone, and left the house. I gathered all my wits and did something, which in normal condition, I could never do, not even, think of doing. With trembling hands, and shaking body, I called him.
Karan
Seema served lunch, Kheer! Why Kheer? It was my birthday. I laughed at this irony! My birthday! It is going to be very tough for the family. My death day too! The decision was made. All the sermons heard! All the things and consequences thought. I cannot bear the pain now. Why should I? So the perfect solution is- death. Cries of my newborn baby, was heart wrenching. The son and wife were trying to make some conversation; I shunned my mind’s door for them. The life was calling, but I was deaf.
And suddenly the phone rang. I just ignored it. It was some unidentified number, and was ringing persistently. I picked it up. ‘Hello …’ I was careful. Why should anybody know what I am going through? ‘Hello… it was a female voice. ‘Yes…’ I was curious ‘who is this?’
‘Can I speak to Karan. Please. I am Anu ’
What?? My God!! This was the same lady, with whom I spent two days on chat!
‘ Yes. I am Karan speaking’ I came out of the house.
I didn’t want Seema to hear, anything.
‘ Karan?’ her voice was shaking, it was a sweet voice. Soothing.
‘Yes’ I tried to sound casual. ‘Why did you call, Anu?’ being a Sunday, I knew her hubby would be home. I was concerned.
‘I saw your off line message.’ She was speaking slowly ‘Why, are you doing this?’
I was wondering, why this lady is so concerned? Why she took the pains to call me out of the blue? She was desperately trying to convince me. She told me something about “Re-birth, life after death, and the karma cycle. If I do this, I have to come back, to the earth, again, to complete the ordeal. It’s our sins that force us to bear the pains of our previous births!!! I was feeling foolish. This woman, who did not even know me, is trying to save me? She was soft and aggressive at the same time, desperately trying to make me understand, the consequences of my decision. She got so angry at one point, that she started shouting at me? I liked that. It made me kind of.. touchy! It made me feel, wanted, it made me feel loved.
‘Hey, listen, you must go home now, kids must be wondering that where are you?’ I tried to tell her, but I could feel, that she was crying.
‘You promise me that you will not do it?’ She was pleading, as if; she was responsible for my plight.
‘Ok, I will not do it today, as it’s my birthday. May be tomorrow? I promise not today.’ I was surprised. This was not what I was supposed to do. But let her feel better.
‘Happy birthday! Karan, many happy returns of the day’
Man! She was wishing me? She was wishing life to a dying man!
‘Thank you!’ I was surprised.
‘ I will wait for you tomorrow, online. Ok?’ She was asking.
‘Yeah, definitely.’ Yes, I was very surprised.
NISHA
I kept down the receiver, and came back. I was acting like zombies. Feeling sick. Why? God why this man was doing this? I talked to him for fifty minutes, from the STD booth. I did not want to give him my number, so I was playing safe. He sounded disturbed, irrational, sad, contradicting many things. He was ready for the death, but somewhere he needed somebody to stop him. He himself was waiting for a miracle to happen, which could save him, subconsciously. I just hoped that he would not do something foolish. I wanted him to wait for that miracle. The friends were calling to wish me the ‘Friendship day,’ and I was wishing, silently, for a friend, his well-being. This was indeed, the worst day of life. I could not eat, was feeling depressed. He was determined, but promised that he will not do it today. He said that he had tried it earlier too but somehow wife came to know. I wanted to speak to his family, to his wife, but it was his mobile number. Should I go to his house? But it was not possible, as he was staying at quite a distance. The night was equally bad. Nightmares of different kind kept coming back. I was feeling like a child, insecure, helpless, and lonely. I wanted to help, but did not know how? He needed professional help, but he was not ready to listen. He knew nobody is going to help him. He knew it very well. As life goes on, we see it pass, without thinking anything. But, here one life was passing forever, affecting so many people. This man will go, but what about his wife, two small kids? They would die without him. What was their fault? I was getting angry. I just wanted to slap him, right and left, and wanted to make him realize all this. But I was helpless. He had promised that he wouldn’t do it today. I wish that he kept his promise. I pleaded to him to wait for at least one week. As one week was going to do some sort of miracle! Oh God! I really need a miracle, please. I wanted that man to live. If he is going to die, something is going to die inside me, too.
8TH-AUGUST
I got up with a startle. I wish he were all right. I ran out to the lawn, to get the newspaper and checked its every content. No suicides were there. Thank God! I did something, which I had forgotten, I prayed silently. I begged in front of the God for his life. I prayed till I could sit no more. What was there, which was affecting me so much? Why that man’s life is so important to me? Why I was determined that I was going to save his life? Why he should listen to me? Why? Why? I was waiting at the usual time on the net, but he was not there. My heart started sinking. Again my eyes were filling with tears for that unknown man. I was waiting, patiently.
And, my God! He came. It was the most beautiful massage in my entire life- ‘ Hi, Anu”
The tears started, falling from my eyes. I was crying with disbelief. He was there. Alive.
“Hi, Karan, how are you?”
“Fine, and you? “Me, fine too,” thanks for coming”. I was crying, but my every message was smiling; was full of life, laughter, and humor. If today he is there, he will always be. My intuition was telling me that he is not going now anywhere. “By the way I am Nisha, not Anu,” I wrote. ‘OK. So, you did not tell me your right name? Nisha, sweet name, like your voice.” It was again that sweet, stimulating, and intellectual talk. Two human beings were connected without any relation. The destiny was smiling, the fate was happy. Some connections are really out of any explanation, beyond any reason. But the bond was made. Two lives were again living for a purpose, unknown to anyone. Life had returned. This entry is a part of BlogAdda contests in association with Zapstore.com">This entry is a part of BlogAdda contests in association with Zapstore.com
The life moves, as it is the law of nature, the life stumbles, as it is the nature of us , the humans. The life slows down, as it is the process of movement. The life flies, as it is the moment of awakening. The day started as a normal day, but ended in the most extra ordinary way. That day that changed the course of two lives. One was almost on the verge of an end, and the other on the point of a break down.
Karan
4TH-AUGUST
It was a casual chat for every other person on Internet, but for me, it was the last hope to cling to life! I was frantically looking at the messages, e-mail id, sex, age, locations etc, sending messages, expecting the reply, but everything was turning blank in my eyes. No one, just no one was there to save me. No one with whom I could go on after a Hi message! Frustration was mounting inside me but the determination was growing stronger. That is it! A woman of forty years? What is she doing on the open chat? Oh! Looking for some thrills? May be! But I got started. Conversation initiated. Please God! I need some brains, not the cheap stuff only. I wanted to talk sex, I wanted a diversion, and I wanted to let go things, which were killing me. She was there for twenty minutes, and I could talk. She was responding cautiously, smartly, and VOILA! She had brains. She had to go, with a promise that she will be back tomorrow. It was an introductory chat. I made some advances, which she rebuffed genteelly, leaving me in wonder, what does she need? This is it. I can wait till tomorrow. She has, a lot to offer, I suppose. The typical Indian woman, may be a disturbed marriage, or looking for sex partner? She was cautious. I have to be careful. Careful that I would not enter the topics, which she does not like, you know, just to show off. But I can wait, till tomorrow .
5TH-AUGUST.
Next day, she was there, waiting for me. Waiting, because, the moment I entered, she popped with a big Hi! I was excited. So, she is the one, who is going to divert me. I responded with an equally big Hi! And man, we talked some wonderful things. Whatever she said, was real talking, to the person with same interests. She sounded a gentle human being. So, let me not offend her, I can talk to her .We were on chat for almost three hours! She was there, with her best of humor, inquiring about my family, my kids. Telling me about her family; she was a mother of two wonderful kids, happily married. I asked for her phone number, she avoided. Smart. She was intelligent but not of my caliber, but she was talking just fine. She had to go, so it was again bye, which I did not like a bit, but happily said bye to her. “You will come tomorrow? I tried to be casual. “Yeah, definitely” she said and was gone.
6TH-AUGUST.
I was again there, waiting. She did not come that day. It was a Saturday. There was a message off line-‘Going to some place, won’t be able to make it today. Bye’. I was irritated, violent, frustrated. No, I can’t be dependent on somebody for his or her mercies. I have to go. I must go. I want to go. I sent her a mail, with my phone number, and left an off line message, ‘Please, check your mail’.
7th-AUGUST
It was a Sunday. Again, I went to the café, and she was not there. What is this? What’s going on? Now my mind was clear, my decision was final. Nobody can hold me, no one can help. Today is the time. I Wrote an off line message- ‘Today I am going to commit suicide, to end my life. It is easier to tell a stranger, than to the loved ones. Thank you, for everything. Good bye!’ It was over for me. I started my car, and went home. I must prepare, myself, to end this ordeal. Seema can take care of herself and both the kids. Mom can tolerate the blow; she is a strong woman. She has other children, who will make her happy. My journey to life must stop today. I must go. I reached home, looked at everything, like an outsider. I was detaching myself, piece by piece, from the family, from the life. Good-bye life, you really were cruel to me.
NISHA
4TH-AUGUST
Why the hell, nobody comes on chat, which is a little bit sensible, or mature? Nobody wants to talk anything, but sex! But I won’t give up. I have to find a person, with whom I could talk. My Grey cells were dying in the need of some activation. I wanted to talk, something which is not about jewelry, clothes, kitty parties. No women talk, infect. I have done enough of this. I wanted to talk, about music, books, poetry, literature, or some real talk. I may not be, very intelligent, but these things do stimulate me. So, I was waiting patiently, for someone, who could talk this, without any pretence. Oh! Somebody is there, at least, who was not in his twenties. He was thirty-five. Younger, but, seemed mature enough. Let me give him a try. Someone is better than no one. He was, well…. Intelligent! I must confess, better than what I was expecting. It was welcome. He sounded different. It was a pleasure talking to him. He was an artist, but why should I bother about his profession? He was chatting nonstop, about everything possible in my mind, and with an authority on every subject. What a man! With real brains!! I was fascinated.. He tried to talk something about sex too, in a most decent manner, but that was not my cup of tea. So, I did not show any interest. All the good things come to an end, so I said my bye and he asked –can I come tomorrow? Honestly, I was not expecting this. But I felt elated. He definitely liked something, I guess. I made a promise that I will come. The whole day I was happy, showering extra love and affection, to my kids and hubby. I was live again. My intuition was right. He was an intellectual man, but a little bit eccentric. I sensed something unusual, a little bit of detachment to life. A bit of rudeness too, which he tried to hide, smartly? But it was nice, overall.
5TH-AUGUST
. I got up early with lots of enthusiasm, with a new energy, completed my daily course. I wanted to talk to him, for hours, without any disturbance. The kids went to the school, hubby to the office. I knew he won’t be there that early, but I was on line as soon as I was free. He came, after half an hour and we got started. It was better than the first day. We talked about the family matters, thankfully he was happily married. I was fed up of the people, who were always there, with their sob stories, about their wives. Two kids. It was a love marriage. Nice wife, good job. But he said something about, being jobless, at that time. I did not probe. He confided that, he left his great job, due to some harassment of the seniors. He was looking for a job, last three months. It was fine. That’s the reason, he was in a café, when men are normally, in their office, working. We talked about two hours. He was free, but I was not. The kids were about to come from the school. So, forcefully, I said bye, with a promise, that, we will come tomorrow, at the same time.
6TH-AUGUST
It was a Saturday. I had to go to some stupid family function. It was so boring. I just left an off line message for Karan I was missing him. Sounds strange, but I really was. I remembered him so many times. Tomorrow morning, if all goes well, I will find some time, to get in touch with him, on line. I came back around six p.m. I saw his off line message. He has sent a mail! Great! So he too missed me. I checked the mail. It was a simple Hi message, with his address and phone number. I saved that number in my mobile. In case.
7TH-AUGUST
So, it was the Sunday, a very busy day. I could not get any time to sit on that chat, which I was dying for. Around twelve o’clock, I got some free time, and I was there, checking my on line messages. And, suddenly, I was cold. A wave of chill ran through my spine. I was dumb with fear. It was a suicide note of that man. Karan is going to commit suicide? My intuition said he was not lying. His eccentrics, his detachment to life, his rudeness, flashed through my mind. I knew in the heart of my hearts that this man is not lying. He is going to commit suicide. Today! May be till now? My god! I was shivering. I started vomiting. My whole body was shaking. It was the friendship day. A three-day-old friend was not going to live another day? That intelligent, smart, full of life, man was contemplating death for him? But why? I knew, he was jobless, but this could not be the reason. I was behaving like a mad. I wanted to reach him. Wanted to talk to him. But how? Oh! I had his number. I picked up my phone, and left the house. I gathered all my wits and did something, which in normal condition, I could never do, not even, think of doing. With trembling hands, and shaking body, I called him.
Karan
Seema served lunch, Kheer! Why Kheer? It was my birthday. I laughed at this irony! My birthday! It is going to be very tough for the family. My death day too! The decision was made. All the sermons heard! All the things and consequences thought. I cannot bear the pain now. Why should I? So the perfect solution is- death. Cries of my newborn baby, was heart wrenching. The son and wife were trying to make some conversation; I shunned my mind’s door for them. The life was calling, but I was deaf.
And suddenly the phone rang. I just ignored it. It was some unidentified number, and was ringing persistently. I picked it up. ‘Hello …’ I was careful. Why should anybody know what I am going through? ‘Hello… it was a female voice. ‘Yes…’ I was curious ‘who is this?’
‘Can I speak to Karan. Please. I am Anu ’
What?? My God!! This was the same lady, with whom I spent two days on chat!
‘ Yes. I am Karan speaking’ I came out of the house.
I didn’t want Seema to hear, anything.
‘ Karan?’ her voice was shaking, it was a sweet voice. Soothing.
‘Yes’ I tried to sound casual. ‘Why did you call, Anu?’ being a Sunday, I knew her hubby would be home. I was concerned.
‘I saw your off line message.’ She was speaking slowly ‘Why, are you doing this?’
I was wondering, why this lady is so concerned? Why she took the pains to call me out of the blue? She was desperately trying to convince me. She told me something about “Re-birth, life after death, and the karma cycle. If I do this, I have to come back, to the earth, again, to complete the ordeal. It’s our sins that force us to bear the pains of our previous births!!! I was feeling foolish. This woman, who did not even know me, is trying to save me? She was soft and aggressive at the same time, desperately trying to make me understand, the consequences of my decision. She got so angry at one point, that she started shouting at me? I liked that. It made me kind of.. touchy! It made me feel, wanted, it made me feel loved.
‘Hey, listen, you must go home now, kids must be wondering that where are you?’ I tried to tell her, but I could feel, that she was crying.
‘You promise me that you will not do it?’ She was pleading, as if; she was responsible for my plight.
‘Ok, I will not do it today, as it’s my birthday. May be tomorrow? I promise not today.’ I was surprised. This was not what I was supposed to do. But let her feel better.
‘Happy birthday! Karan, many happy returns of the day’
Man! She was wishing me? She was wishing life to a dying man!
‘Thank you!’ I was surprised.
‘ I will wait for you tomorrow, online. Ok?’ She was asking.
‘Yeah, definitely.’ Yes, I was very surprised.
NISHA
I kept down the receiver, and came back. I was acting like zombies. Feeling sick. Why? God why this man was doing this? I talked to him for fifty minutes, from the STD booth. I did not want to give him my number, so I was playing safe. He sounded disturbed, irrational, sad, contradicting many things. He was ready for the death, but somewhere he needed somebody to stop him. He himself was waiting for a miracle to happen, which could save him, subconsciously. I just hoped that he would not do something foolish. I wanted him to wait for that miracle. The friends were calling to wish me the ‘Friendship day,’ and I was wishing, silently, for a friend, his well-being. This was indeed, the worst day of life. I could not eat, was feeling depressed. He was determined, but promised that he will not do it today. He said that he had tried it earlier too but somehow wife came to know. I wanted to speak to his family, to his wife, but it was his mobile number. Should I go to his house? But it was not possible, as he was staying at quite a distance. The night was equally bad. Nightmares of different kind kept coming back. I was feeling like a child, insecure, helpless, and lonely. I wanted to help, but did not know how? He needed professional help, but he was not ready to listen. He knew nobody is going to help him. He knew it very well. As life goes on, we see it pass, without thinking anything. But, here one life was passing forever, affecting so many people. This man will go, but what about his wife, two small kids? They would die without him. What was their fault? I was getting angry. I just wanted to slap him, right and left, and wanted to make him realize all this. But I was helpless. He had promised that he wouldn’t do it today. I wish that he kept his promise. I pleaded to him to wait for at least one week. As one week was going to do some sort of miracle! Oh God! I really need a miracle, please. I wanted that man to live. If he is going to die, something is going to die inside me, too.
8TH-AUGUST
I got up with a startle. I wish he were all right. I ran out to the lawn, to get the newspaper and checked its every content. No suicides were there. Thank God! I did something, which I had forgotten, I prayed silently. I begged in front of the God for his life. I prayed till I could sit no more. What was there, which was affecting me so much? Why that man’s life is so important to me? Why I was determined that I was going to save his life? Why he should listen to me? Why? Why? I was waiting at the usual time on the net, but he was not there. My heart started sinking. Again my eyes were filling with tears for that unknown man. I was waiting, patiently.
And, my God! He came. It was the most beautiful massage in my entire life- ‘ Hi, Anu”
The tears started, falling from my eyes. I was crying with disbelief. He was there. Alive.
“Hi, Karan, how are you?”
“Fine, and you? “Me, fine too,” thanks for coming”. I was crying, but my every message was smiling; was full of life, laughter, and humor. If today he is there, he will always be. My intuition was telling me that he is not going now anywhere. “By the way I am Nisha, not Anu,” I wrote. ‘OK. So, you did not tell me your right name? Nisha, sweet name, like your voice.” It was again that sweet, stimulating, and intellectual talk. Two human beings were connected without any relation. The destiny was smiling, the fate was happy. Some connections are really out of any explanation, beyond any reason. But the bond was made. Two lives were again living for a purpose, unknown to anyone. Life had returned. This entry is a part of BlogAdda contests in association with Zapstore.com">This entry is a part of BlogAdda contests in association with Zapstore.com
LOVE, ADVENTURE AND MIRACLE!
The life moves, as it is the law of nature, the life stumbles, as it is the nature of us , the humans. The life slows down, as it is the process of movement. The life flies, as it is the moment of awakening. The day started as a normal day, but ended in the most extra ordinary way. That day that changed the course of two lives. One was almost on the verge of an end, and the other on the point of a break down.
KARAN
4TH-AUGUST
It was a casual chat for every other person on Internet, but for me, it was the last hope to cling to life! I was frantically looking at the messages, e-mail id, sex, age, locations etc, sending messages, expecting the reply, but everything was turning blank in my eyes. No one, just no one was there to save me.
No one with whom I could go on after a Hi message! Frustration was mounting inside me but the determination was growing stronger.
That is it! A woman of forty years? What is she doing on the open chat? Oh! Looking for some thrills? May be! But I got started. Conversation initiated. Please God! I need some brains, not the cheap stuff only. I wanted to talk sex, I wanted a diversion, and I wanted to let go things, which were killing me.
She was there for twenty minutes, and I could talk. She was responding cautiously, smartly, and VOILA! She had brains. She had to go, with a promise that she will be back tomorrow. It was an introductory chat. I made some advances, which she rebuffed genteelly, leaving me in wonder, what does she need? This is it. I can wait till tomorrow. She has, a lot to offer, I suppose. The typical Indian woman, may be a disturbed marriage, or looking for sex partner? She was cautious. I have to be careful. Careful that I would not enter the topics, which she does not like, you know, just to show off. But I can wait, till tomorrow
.
5TH-AUGUST.
Next day, she was there, waiting for me. Waiting, because, the moment I entered, she popped with a big Hi! I was excited. So, she is the one, who is going to divert me. I responded with an equally big Hi! And man, we talked some wonderful things. Whatever she said, was real talking, to the person with same interests. She sounded a gentle human being. So, let me not offend her, I can talk to her .We were on chat for almost three hours! She was there, with her best of humor, inquiring about my family, my kids. Telling me about her family; she was a mother of two wonderful kids, happily married. I asked for her phone number, she avoided. Smart. She was intelligent but not of my caliber, but she was talking just fine. She had to go, so it was again bye, which I did not like a bit, but happily said bye to her. “You will come tomorrow? I tried to be casual. “Yeah, definitely” she said and was gone.
6TH-AUGUST.
I was again there, waiting. She did not come that day. It was a Saturday. There was a message off line-‘Going to some place, won’t be able to make it today. Bye’. I was irritated, violent, frustrated. No, I can’t be dependent on somebody for his or her mercies. I have to go. I must go. I want to go. I sent her a mail, with my phone number, and left an off line message, ‘Please, check your mail’.
7th-AUGUST
It was a Sunday. Again, I went to the café, and she was not there. What is this? What’s going on? Now my mind was clear, my decision was final. Nobody can hold me, no one can help. Today is the time. I Wrote an off line message- ‘Today I am going to commit suicide, to end my life. It is easier to tell a stranger, than to the loved ones. Thank you, for everything. Good bye!’
It was over for me. I started my car, and went home. I must prepare, myself, to end this ordeal. Seema can take care of herself and both the kids. Mom can tolerate the blow; she is a strong woman. She has other children, who will make her happy. My journey to life must stop today. I must go. I reached home, looked at everything, like an outsider. I was detaching myself, piece by piece, from the family, from the life. Good-bye life, you really were cruel to me.
NISHA
4TH-AUGUST
Why the hell, nobody comes on chat, which is a little bit sensible, or mature? Nobody wants to talk anything, but sex! But I won’t give up. I have to find a person, with whom I could talk. My Grey cells were dying in the need of some activation. I wanted to talk, something which is not about jewelry, clothes, kitty parties. No women talk, infect. I have done enough of this. I wanted to talk, about music, books, poetry, literature, or some real talk. I may not be, very intelligent, but these things do stimulate me. So, I was waiting patiently, for someone, who could talk this, without any pretence. Oh! Somebody is there, at least, who was not in his twenties. He was thirty-five. Younger, but, seemed mature enough. Let me give him a try. Someone is better than no one.
He was, well…. Intelligent! I must confess, better than what I was expecting. It was welcome. He sounded different. It was a pleasure talking to him. He was an artist, but why should I bother about his profession? He was chatting nonstop, about everything possible in my mind, and with an authority on every subject. What a man! With real brains!! I was fascinated.. He tried to talk something about sex too, in a most decent manner, but that was not my cup of tea. So, I did not show any interest. All the good things come to an end, so I said my bye and he asked –can I come tomorrow? Honestly, I was not expecting this. But I felt elated. He definitely liked something, I guess. I made a promise that I will come.
The whole day I was happy, showering extra love and affection, to my kids and hubby. I was live again. My intuition was right. He was an intellectual man, but a little bit eccentric. I sensed something unusual, a little bit of detachment to life. A bit of rudeness too, which he tried to hide, smartly? But it was nice, overall.
5TH-AUGUST.
I got up early with lots of enthusiasm, with a new energy, completed my daily course. I wanted to talk to him, for hours, without any disturbance. The kids went to the school, hubby to the office. I knew he won’t be there that early, but I was on line as soon as I was free. He came, after half an hour and we got started. It was better than the first day. We talked about the family matters, thankfully he was happily married. I was fed up of the people, who were always there, with their sob stories, about their wives. Two kids. It was a love marriage. Nice wife, good job. But he said something about, being jobless, at that time. I did not probe. He confided that, he left his great job, due to some harassment of the seniors. He was looking for a job, last three months. It was fine. That’s the reason, he was in a café, when men are normally, in their office, working.
We talked about two hours. He was free, but I was not. The kids were about to come from the school. So, forcefully, I said bye, with a promise, that, we will come tomorrow, at the same time.
6TH-AUGUST
It was a Saturday. I had to go to some stupid family function. It was so boring. I just left an off line message for Karan I was missing him. Sounds strange, but I really was. I remembered him so many times. Tomorrow morning, if all goes well, I will find some time, to get in touch with him, on line. I came back around six p.m. I saw his off line message. He has sent a mail! Great! So he too missed me. I checked the mail. It was a simple Hi message, with his address and phone number. I saved that number in my mobile. In case.
7TH-AUGUST
So, it was the Sunday, a very busy day. I could not get any time to sit on that chat, which I was dying for. Around twelve o’clock, I got some free time, and I was there, checking my on line messages. And, suddenly, I was cold. A wave of chill ran through my spine. I was dumb with fear. It was a suicide note of that man. Karan is going to commit suicide? My intuition said he was not lying. His eccentrics, his detachment to life, his rudeness, flashed through my mind. I knew in the heart of my hearts that this man is not lying. He is going to commit suicide. Today! May be till now? My god! I was shivering. I started vomiting. My whole body was shaking. It was the friendship day. A three-day-old friend was not going to live another day? That intelligent, smart, full of life, man was contemplating death for him? But why? I knew, he was jobless, but this could not be the reason. I was behaving like a mad. I wanted to reach him. Wanted to talk to him. But how? Oh! I had his number. I picked up my phone, and left the house. I gathered all my wits and did something, which in normal condition, I could never do, not even, think of doing. With trembling hands, and shaking body, I called him.
KARAN
Seema served lunch, Kheer! Why Kheer? It was my birthday. I laughed at this irony! My birthday! It is going to be very tough for the family. My death day too! The decision was made. All the sermons heard! All the things and consequences thought. I cannot bear the pain now. Why should I? So the perfect solution is- death. Cries of my newborn baby, was heart wrenching. The son and wife were trying to make some conversation; I shunned my mind’s door for them. The life was calling, but I was deaf.
And suddenly the phone rang. I just ignored it. It was some unidentified number, and was ringing persistently. I picked it up. ‘Hello …’ I was careful. Why should anybody know what I am going through? ‘Hello… it was a female voice. ‘Yes…’ I was curious ‘who is this?’
‘Can I speak to Karan. Please. I am Anu ’ What?? My God!! This was the same lady, with whom I spent two days on chat! ‘ Yes. I am Karan speaking’ I came out of the house. I didn’t want Seema to hear, anything. ‘ Karan?’ her voice was shaking, it was a sweet voice. Soothing. ‘Yes’ I tried to sound casual. ‘Why did you call, Anu?’ being a Sunday, I knew her hubby would be home. I was concerned. ‘I saw your off line message.’ She was speaking slowly
‘Why, are you doing this?’
I was wondering, why this lady is so concerned? Why she took the pains to call me out of the blue? She was desperately trying to convince me. She told me something about “Re-birth, life after death, and the karma cycle. If I do this, I have to come back, to the earth, again, to complete the ordeal. It’s our sins that force us to bear the pains of our previous births!!! I was feeling foolish. This woman, who did not even know me, is trying to save me? She was soft and aggressive at the same time, desperately trying to make me understand, the consequences of my decision. She got so angry at one point, that she started shouting at me? I liked that. It made me kind of.. touchy! It made me feel, wanted, it made me feel loved.
‘Hey, listen, you must go home now, kids must be wondering that where are you?’ I tried to tell her, but I could feel, that she was crying. ‘You promise me that you will not do it?’ She was pleading, as if; she was responsible for my plight.
‘Ok, I will not do it today, as it’s my birthday. May be tomorrow? I promise not today.’ I was surprised. This was not what I was supposed to do. But let her feel better.
‘Happy birthday! Karan, many happy returns of the day’ Man! She was wishing me? She was wishing life to a dying man!
‘Thank you!’ I was surprised.
‘ I will wait for you tomorrow, online. Ok?’ She was asking.
‘Yeah, definitely.’ Yes, I was very surprised.
NISHA
I kept down the receiver, and came back. I was acting like zombies. Feeling sick. Why? God why this man was doing this? I talked to him for fifty minutes, from the STD booth. I did not want to give him my number, so I was playing safe. He sounded disturbed, irrational, sad, contradicting many things. He was ready for the death, but somewhere he needed somebody to stop him. He himself was waiting for a miracle to happen, which could save him, subconsciously. I just hoped that he would not do something foolish. I wanted him to wait for that miracle.
The friends were calling to wish me the ‘Friendship day,’ and I was wishing, silently, for a friend, his well-being. This was indeed, the worst day of life. I could not eat, was feeling depressed. He was determined, but promised that he will not do it today. He said that he had tried it earlier too but somehow wife came to know. I wanted to speak to his family, to his wife, but it was his mobile number. Should I go to his house? But it was not possible, as he was staying at quite a distance.
The night was equally bad. Nightmares of different kind kept coming back. I was feeling like a child, insecure, helpless, and lonely. I wanted to help, but did not know how? He needed professional help, but he was not ready to listen. He knew nobody is going to help him. He knew it very well.
As life goes on, we see it pass, without thinking anything. But, here one life was passing forever, affecting so many people. This man will go, but what about his wife, two small kids? They would die without him. What was their fault? I was getting angry. I just wanted to slap him, right and left, and wanted to make him realize all this. But I was helpless.
He had promised that he wouldn’t do it today. I wish that he kept his promise. I pleaded to him to wait for at least one week. As one week was going to do some sort of miracle! Oh God! I really need a miracle, please. I wanted that man to live. If he is going to die, something is going to die inside me, too.
8TH-AUGUST
I got up with a startle. I wish he were all right. I ran out to the lawn, to get the newspaper and checked its every content. No suicides were there. Thank God! I did something, which I had forgotten, I prayed silently. I begged in front of the God for his life. I prayed till I could sit no more.
What was there, which was affecting me so much? Why that man’s life is so important to me? Why I was determined that I was going to save his life? Why he should listen to me? Why? Why?
I was waiting at the usual time on the net, but he was not there. My heart started sinking. Again my eyes were filling with tears for that unknown man. I was waiting, patiently. And, my God! He came. It was the most beautiful massage in my entire life- ‘ Hi, Anu”
The tears started, falling from my eyes. I was crying with disbelief. He was there. Alive.
“Hi, Karan, how are you?”
“Fine, and you?
“Me, fine too,” thanks for coming”.
I was crying, but my every message was smiling; was full of life, laughter, and humor. If today he is there, he will always be. My intuition was telling me that he is not going now anywhere.
“By the way I am Nisha, not Anu,” I wrote.
‘OK. So, you did not tell me your right name? Nisha, sweet name, like your voice.”
It was again that sweet, stimulating, and intellectual talk.
Two human beings were connected without any relation. The destiny was smiling, the fate was happy. Some connections are really out of any explanation, beyond any reason. But the bond was made. Two lives were again living for a purpose, unknown to anyone. Life had returned.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Truth of an Eccentric
The Truth of an Eccentric
“I am pregnant’ tilting her head shyly and putting one hand on his cheeks and another on her flat belly Sheila looked into his eyes and whispered.
He was in a fit of rage. Her words “I am Pregnant” made him sleepless, he was slowly turning into a dead man. The words which he deliberately pushed into oblivion with tremendous effort emerged again and so close!! The echo which he thought was thinning suddenly bounced back with full force. He was insane. The change frightened her. When he could take it no more he pulled her forcibly to the nursing home and aborted the baby. She was bewildered and finally succumbed to depression and was under psychiatric treatment for years. But she was brave and forgiving so life went on again smoothly. He went straight for the sterilization. The agony must go. He was calm again.
Her constant nausea and ill health worried him. When doctor smiled and broke the news of her pregnancy he was shocked. The earth reeled beneath his feet. It took him eons to digest the fact. His beloved wife was pregnant again after fifteen years of their marital bliss which threw him off gear. He did not react; simply hushed his rage to silence. He did not want to repeat the history. Last time it was really bad on her. But how? How could it be possible? Her growing belly was pushing him to walls. Stuffing his fingers in his ears did not work…he could still hear the voices with much more clarity. Now there was laughter in the voice which gave him shivers.
Sheila was a great wife. He was told many times that he was lucky to find a wife like her. He too knew it; living with a perfect human being who forgives all your mistakes and misdeeds was indeed something. But after fifteen years of bliss he was burning into a fury from last nine months.
Silence was penetrating deep into his solitude and making him more receptive towards the inner turmoil
If only he could rewind the time and put things straight once again but that was impossible. Slipping into
negative thoughts and helplessness of the situation was getting worse with every passing minute. The tiny
red bulb of the OT was blinking with his heartbeats. He wanted both of them to die in one second and
prayed for Sheila’s life another second with repentance.
He was twenty two, spoilt, rich and resourceful. His father’s connections to ministry made him more daring. In one of his frenzies he picked her while driving through an isolated road. She was asking for lift. He stopped because she was beautiful and a woman and unresisting. He drove towards more isolation and attacked her. She was taken aback. Within minutes their destinies changed forever.
“Please let me go, I am pregnant”
The animal in him did not hear anything. He was savage.
“Leave me for god’s sake”
“Help, help, help…”
Stuffing her mouth with his palm he did not stop.
More shrills…”I am pregnant damn it”
The blood thrashed him to reality. He could see her dying. Hatred and fury in her eyes, she did not need any weapon to kill him. Her slowly diminishing lifeless eyes kept on haunting him …even after all these years. He threw her out and drove madly. He knew he did not leave any clue. He was safe. That’s what he thought until his beloved wife broke the news.
“Congratulations Prashant, she has delivered a perfect healthy girl.” Doc handed him the bundle. He felt the immense burden of that weightless joy. He frantically kept looking at that cherubic face for any sign of his wife’s infidelity but strangely the face pulled his heart towards her. He bent and kissed her. Feeling a newborn child in his hands for the first time gave him so much of excitement. The buzzing in his head did not stop though. He wanted to see his wife and was worried for her. Her pale but happy face churned her heart. If only the child were his!
His mental alertness started spying on her. He was searching for a proof silently but with fervidity. Checking her phone calls, her movements for a year did not give any clue. She was busy with the baby and equally attentive to his needs. There was not even a moment of doubt on her activities; but he knew that the baby was not his!
Vivek was coming after a long time from London to visit them. Prashant was again in turmoil. Sheila was excited. He was a common friend but for Prashant he was his doc who operated upon him. He was the only one who knew about his sterilization. His visit meant disaster. The secret which he was guarding would soon come in open. The buzzing started again. There was no escape now. But still he wanted to try. On pretext of some last minute emergency he left home and sat in the bar and waited for him to go without meeting him. The voices again attacked with full force and now there was a baby’s voice included in that. When he was sure of his departure he returned back in an inhibited state. Sheila opened the door and he saw Vivek sitting there playing with the baby. Surprised to see him he got up and smiled.
“She is a beautiful boney baby, congratulations Prashant” he did not find any wonderment in Vivek’s statement and suddenly truth dawned upon him. With great disbelief he looked at Sheila who was smiling. So this was the truth! Shrills, voices, laughter all attacked him again and this time he could not bear it and jumped out of the window of his tenth floor apartment. At peace at last!!
The truth which Vivek planned to disclose was shunned and silent forever. If only he could tell him earlier that Vivek did not operate upon him at all as he knew his eccentric mind and last episode of Sheila’s abortion.
“I am pregnant’ tilting her head shyly and putting one hand on his cheeks and another on her flat belly Sheila looked into his eyes and whispered.
He was in a fit of rage. Her words “I am Pregnant” made him sleepless, he was slowly turning into a dead man. The words which he deliberately pushed into oblivion with tremendous effort emerged again and so close!! The echo which he thought was thinning suddenly bounced back with full force. He was insane. The change frightened her. When he could take it no more he pulled her forcibly to the nursing home and aborted the baby. She was bewildered and finally succumbed to depression and was under psychiatric treatment for years. But she was brave and forgiving so life went on again smoothly. He went straight for the sterilization. The agony must go. He was calm again.
Her constant nausea and ill health worried him. When doctor smiled and broke the news of her pregnancy he was shocked. The earth reeled beneath his feet. It took him eons to digest the fact. His beloved wife was pregnant again after fifteen years of their marital bliss which threw him off gear. He did not react; simply hushed his rage to silence. He did not want to repeat the history. Last time it was really bad on her. But how? How could it be possible? Her growing belly was pushing him to walls. Stuffing his fingers in his ears did not work…he could still hear the voices with much more clarity. Now there was laughter in the voice which gave him shivers.
Sheila was a great wife. He was told many times that he was lucky to find a wife like her. He too knew it; living with a perfect human being who forgives all your mistakes and misdeeds was indeed something. But after fifteen years of bliss he was burning into a fury from last nine months.
Silence was penetrating deep into his solitude and making him more receptive towards the inner turmoil
If only he could rewind the time and put things straight once again but that was impossible. Slipping into
negative thoughts and helplessness of the situation was getting worse with every passing minute. The tiny
red bulb of the OT was blinking with his heartbeats. He wanted both of them to die in one second and
prayed for Sheila’s life another second with repentance.
He was twenty two, spoilt, rich and resourceful. His father’s connections to ministry made him more daring. In one of his frenzies he picked her while driving through an isolated road. She was asking for lift. He stopped because she was beautiful and a woman and unresisting. He drove towards more isolation and attacked her. She was taken aback. Within minutes their destinies changed forever.
“Please let me go, I am pregnant”
The animal in him did not hear anything. He was savage.
“Leave me for god’s sake”
“Help, help, help…”
Stuffing her mouth with his palm he did not stop.
More shrills…”I am pregnant damn it”
The blood thrashed him to reality. He could see her dying. Hatred and fury in her eyes, she did not need any weapon to kill him. Her slowly diminishing lifeless eyes kept on haunting him …even after all these years. He threw her out and drove madly. He knew he did not leave any clue. He was safe. That’s what he thought until his beloved wife broke the news.
“Congratulations Prashant, she has delivered a perfect healthy girl.” Doc handed him the bundle. He felt the immense burden of that weightless joy. He frantically kept looking at that cherubic face for any sign of his wife’s infidelity but strangely the face pulled his heart towards her. He bent and kissed her. Feeling a newborn child in his hands for the first time gave him so much of excitement. The buzzing in his head did not stop though. He wanted to see his wife and was worried for her. Her pale but happy face churned her heart. If only the child were his!
His mental alertness started spying on her. He was searching for a proof silently but with fervidity. Checking her phone calls, her movements for a year did not give any clue. She was busy with the baby and equally attentive to his needs. There was not even a moment of doubt on her activities; but he knew that the baby was not his!
Vivek was coming after a long time from London to visit them. Prashant was again in turmoil. Sheila was excited. He was a common friend but for Prashant he was his doc who operated upon him. He was the only one who knew about his sterilization. His visit meant disaster. The secret which he was guarding would soon come in open. The buzzing started again. There was no escape now. But still he wanted to try. On pretext of some last minute emergency he left home and sat in the bar and waited for him to go without meeting him. The voices again attacked with full force and now there was a baby’s voice included in that. When he was sure of his departure he returned back in an inhibited state. Sheila opened the door and he saw Vivek sitting there playing with the baby. Surprised to see him he got up and smiled.
“She is a beautiful boney baby, congratulations Prashant” he did not find any wonderment in Vivek’s statement and suddenly truth dawned upon him. With great disbelief he looked at Sheila who was smiling. So this was the truth! Shrills, voices, laughter all attacked him again and this time he could not bear it and jumped out of the window of his tenth floor apartment. At peace at last!!
The truth which Vivek planned to disclose was shunned and silent forever. If only he could tell him earlier that Vivek did not operate upon him at all as he knew his eccentric mind and last episode of Sheila’s abortion.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
My world: MEN WILL BE MEN :))Life is never that so call...
My world: MEN WILL BE MEN :))
Life is never that so call...: "MEN WILL BE MEN :)) Life is never that so called bed of roses, if you get even one night on that provable bed than I am sure you had rea..."
Life is never that so call...: "MEN WILL BE MEN :)) Life is never that so called bed of roses, if you get even one night on that provable bed than I am sure you had rea..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)